Twelve years ago, our daughter Jessica was born. We scanned a couple photos and I thought I'd share her birth story, which I've never written out before. This is always a bittersweet day, remembering the joy and excitement of her birth-day, but also knowing she isn't with us.We try to focus on the fun memories, though, and that usually helps. But it's okay to remember how much we miss her. I think sometimes it makes it all seem more like she really was a part of our lives.
Anyway, here's a couple photos for you to see. Above is the first family photo of the four of us, taken shortly after Jessica was born. Isn't David so little? The second photo was taken the next day, just before we went home from the hospital. We used this one for Jessica's birth announcement. I think it's really sweet. :)
the birth story of...
Jessica Kay
March 18, 1995
5:42 a.m.
7 lb. 5.8 oz
19 ½ inches long
Our second child was due when David was only 16 months old, on March 29, 1995. During the whole pregnancy I had thought it would be special if the baby was born on St. Patrick’s Day, my mom’s birthday. At the time, I was working half-time as a secretary/receptionist, and by the end of the morning on my mom’s birthday, I had everything in place for my replacement during my maternity leave.
Everything felt ready. I had been looking forward all winter long to this birth, to meeting this new little person we called Jesse/Jessie (we’d decided at 6 months along to name the baby Jesse or Jessica, after Matt’s grandfather Jesse). I knew I was ready for this birth, and confident that I could do it. It was all somewhat fresh in my mind from the first time, and this time I wasn’t afraid of the unknown. It was so much easier approaching labor that way!
On Friday evening, about 8:00 pm, Matt was talking with a friend on the phone when I felt the first contractions. I thought, “Hmm… how interesting, maybe I’m actually going into labor on my mom’s birthday?” I figured the baby wouldn’t be born on that day, though, since my first labor had been 26 hours from start to finish and I could tell this wasn’t starting off as a super-fast labor just by how the contractions felt.
Around 11:15 pm, I decided to get some sleep. I awoke just before 1:00 am, having regular, stronger contractions. I went in the living room of our tiny apartment so I could relax through them in the easy chair and write down the times they started. After a while of this, I decided to go wake Matt. When I went in to tell him it was time, he said something like, “Can you wait a while longer?” of course not knowing that I already had waited for a while. So he got up and called our friend Mike to come be with David while we went to the hospital.
We got there about 2:45 am, and the nurse at the desk said something like, “We’ll check you to see if you’re staying,” and I thought to myself that we were definitely staying. When I was checked a few minutes later, they discovered I was already dilated to 6 centimeters! I was pleased that our doctor was already in the hospital for another labor, so we didn’t have to worry about her making it there in the middle of the night. The nurse assigned to us was a classmate of Matt’s from high school and she was very talkative throughout the labor.
An hour later, I was dilated to 9 centimeters. The nurse was so amazed that I was really that far along and said she wouldn’t believe it if she hadn’t checked me. My doctor told me I looked beautiful. I think she was trying to be encouraging, but I sure didn’t feel beautiful right then!
About an hour later, I was fully dilated and they broke the bed down for the birth. I started tentatively pushing around 5:00 a.m. but didn’t feel very motivated at all. After a bit of this, I started feeling discouraged and said something to that effect. But the attending doctor in the room reminded me that I hadn’t really been pushing very seriously for very long. It really wasn’t a very long second stage, and they had a mirror set up so I could see what was happening. When the baby started to crown, I felt a lot of burning, which I had not experienced before, so that was a bit hard to deal with. But after a couple more contractions, the baby was out.
I was so excited to see that we had a daughter! We named her Jessica Kay, in honor of Matt’s paternal grandfather Jesse. Kay is my middle name and my mother’s as well, and I always wanted to give my first daughter the same middle name.
6 comments:
Sweet memories Amy, thank you for sharing Jessica's birth story. She is a beautiful baby. I am so glad you have these precious pictures. You do look great, you young Momma. The two "babies" sleeping strikes a tender chord in my heart, I remember that feeling looking back in the car and seeing 2 car-seats, 2 sleeping babes and thinking thoughts of "They are both ours. We are a family."
I pray your family felt God's comfort and joy today.
It is so hard to believe in ways it has been 12 years already & yet in many ways it seems still so fresh that our first granddaughter was born the day after my birthday. Wish God had let us keep her longer but He knows best & she is happy where she is. Love her still even if she is not here to hold & love in person. Mom/Grandma
Roberta & Mom,
Thanks for your thoughts & comments on Jessica's birthday. It was hard, and I found myself taking out my sad feelings as grumpiness. Not a very good way to deal with it! :( (And hard on the family, too. I had some apologies to make later on!)
We spent a bit of time looking at photos from Jessica's life, which was nice. And after a busy day of various activities, we had a mini party in honor of Jessica. We sang happy birthday to Jessica and had cake. I am not eating sweets for a while (more on that another time), so I didn't have any of the cake.
It's funny, but that's when the tears came... inside I was feeling, "We can't have the birthday girl here with us, and now I can't even eat her birthday cake!?!" Of course, it was self-induced, not being able to eat the cake, and I could have eaten it if I'd decided to. But I think those tears were just waiting to come out yesterday, and that was just as good a time as any.
So that's the story of how Jessica's birthday went. Not the greatest, but I do think that being busy helped a great deal with not focusing so much on being sad all day. Thanks again for thinking of us! :)
Hi Amy. I must admit, I got a lump in my throat as I read Jessica's birth story. Then, several verses started swirling around in my head (I'm not sure of the references) . . . "Our God is in the heavens, He does whatever He pleases," "The Lord is good and what He does is good," "If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast," "Unless your law had been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction." I pray that His word will continue to minister to your heart as you reflect on the precious gift of Jessica--a gift that was given to you by the Father, and that you have given back to His loving Hand. Love to all, Julie
Julie,
Thanks for your comments about Jessica and her birthday. I hope you all enjoyed celebrating Abigail's birthday! :)
Shortly after Jessica's death, I read "When God Doesn't Make Sense" by James Dobson. It helped me to realize that things happen here on earth that weren't in God's original plan, but since sin is in the world, bad things *do* happen... like babies dying.
Jessica's death was the most horrible experience of our lives, but at the same time it was the first time I tangibly felt God's hand carrying me, moment by moment. I felt His presence with me, holding me, telling me, "I love you, Amy, and I care."
A huge part of that was through people at Grace Bible Church (like you!) being willing to listen and to say something at just the right time. I'm not sure I always responded in a way that communicated my appreciation, but I was (and still am) very thankful. :)
I remember singing in an Easter program in the choir the next spring. In the soundtrack, there was the sound of nails being pounded. I remember almost not able to continue singing, because it drove home the fact that God *knows* what it is like to have a child die. I can't exactly explain how it felt to me, hearing the sounds of nails like that, but it was SO powerful.
We still miss Jessica a lot, but it's good to know where she is, that we will one day see her again when we get to heaven. And talking about her a lot helps, too. Our four youngest children never knew her in person but they feel just like they did, I think. :) She will always be a huge part of our lives, though not physically with us at the moment.
Thanks for your thoughts, Julie. I would do it all over again (having Jessica), given the chance. She really *is* a blessing, and I'm glad God sent her to us, even if it was for just a short while! :)
Thank you for sharing Jessica's birth story, the pictures are just precious! My prayers are with you as you always remember how special Jessica is.
Blessings,
Catherine
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