the truth about homeschooling.

The title of this post sounds really epic, like I'm about to say something really profound. Truth is, I'm just trying to be real.

The other day when I posted our first day of school photos, it seemed like a good time to say something about our curriculum and what we do for school.  But I'm afraid when I do that, sometimes it comes across all wrong.

A first day of school photo that didn't make its way here before today. Just so you know, Naomi may look studious here, but she was just drawing in a notebook.

So I am here today to say that homeschooling is hard. It's a full-time job that never really feels done. Maybe I look calm & confident, but sometimes I lie awake at night hashing things over in my mind. I'm constantly evaluating and judging myself and coming up feeling inadequate. 

I don't really talk about these feelings (except with Matt) because it doesn't feel safe. I think most moms struggle with some of these feelings in regard to parenting in general.  But when you're also the teacher, it's magnified because there is an underlying fear that everybody is watching to make sure you're getting it right.  And so I don't talk about it.

I must admit that I have more confidence now because I'm on the other side with our two oldest kids. I have the advantage of having seen them do well on the ACT, finish homeschool and get into college. They're doing well and although I know I didn't have it all figured out in their homeschool years, they are holding their own out there in the world.

It's hard work and at times I feel very inadequate, but it is working.   I am thankful for the freedom to teach my own kids... and it does work for our family, even with the ebb & flow of emotions that come along with it.

Please know that I would be the first to tell you I don't have it all together. I'm not over here in my house judging the moms whose kids go to school or whose grown kids went to school. You're good moms, with your own stories, making the choices that work best for you and the family God has blessed you with. Being a mom is a tough job and I respect you.

Oh, yeah, this is us.  We've got it *allll* together... ;)

back to school, 2015.

It's been fun this week seeing all the Michigan families posting their back to school photos.  We've been back at it for four weeks now, two weeks after the local public & charter schools here in Arizona have been back at school.  It's hard to believe it's already the end of summer (especially since we're still having highs in the 100s here!), but here we are.

We started our school year here on August 17.  Joshua is a ninth grader.  Crazy how fast they end up being in high school.  Jesse is doing 7th/8th grade.  He's kind of been a little ahead, hence the slash between grades.  And Naomi is in sixth grade this year... so surreal to have our youngest be this big now.  Wow.

The obligatory first day of school pic.  6th, 7th/8th and 9th grades this year.

It seemed like a group selfie was in order, since we spend our days together doing school.

Our first nature walk of the school year.  Charlotte Mason was really big into nature walks, and we haven't been very good about doing them the past couple school years.  So this year, we are doing them on Fridays, our lightest day of the week.  It was a bit hot that first week but as we get farther into the school year, it will be nicer.

Jesse was sitting on a swing while drawing a plant.

Naomi with the flower she'd drawn.

Since 2008, the bulk of our what we do has been a Charlotte Mason-style education using Ambleside Online.  It's our eighth year using AO and we love it.  We learn so much from using living books in this curriculum... among many that we are using, we read Shakespeare and Plutarch every week.  I have never learned so much history (and loved it!) as I have since we've been doing Ambleside.  (And I'm just the teacher!)  We continue to use A Beka for Language and Arithmetic, and Apologia Science.  

So far, we're enjoying getting back into the routines that school entails.  It's not been perfect but that's the way life is, isn't it?  We're working out the kinks and getting ourselves settled into new systems for making our school days more effective.  I'm excited to be on this homeschooling journey with our family.

so. many. hats.

Wife. Mom. Teacher. Chef. Laundress. Housekeeper. Bill Payer. Vacation Rental Manager. Artist. (etc.)

I've tried before to write this post.  But every time, I've been afraid it sounds like complaining and haven't hit the "publish" button.  In fact, today as I started out, I found a draft from five years ago about the stages of motherhood and how many "hats" I wear. Too weird.

So my aim today is to write this with a grateful heart.  Because I really am thankful to be in this place and this time in my life.  

I am so, so happy to be at home with my kids.  I love homeschooling them.  It's not always easy, it has its challenges and I've cried many tears over this whole adventure, but I can't imagine doing this any other way.  It's a good fit for our family.  (I get it, that it's not for everybody.  So please, please don't feel I'm judging anybody when I say how much I love homeschooling my own kids.)

Some days, I feel super organized, like "we can do this!" and then the next day, I wonder how in the world I can do any of the things I'm supposed to do right.  Getting back into school after our long Christmas break this year has been (is) hard.  Time management has been a real struggle.  So on Tuesday when we got started at a decent time, I felt great.  It was one of those "we can do this!" days.  Yesterday, however, I was beginning to feel the weight of my failed responsibilities.

So, late in the afternoon I just told myself that it's not realistic to live with that pressure.  And I did what I needed to do with the time left in the day.  I was chef and 5th grade teacher.  Never mind that it was our day to do exercises and go for a walk.  Never mind that I was very much wanting to finish a painting that's sitting on my easel.  Those things would just have to wait.

And it was good. I managed to help Naomi work through her math and her sentence diagramming while cooking a delicious, healthy meal. 

I am not perfect, I won't ever be able to get it all done, but God is good.  He gives me the strength to do the most important things and the ability to recognize that not every day is going to go according to plan.

I am so glad that my worth isn't based on whether or not I can truly fulfill the full definition of any of my individual roles. Thank you, God! :)

keeping our fears inside. (day 8, write31days)

I do a lot of deep, introspective thinking in the shower.  One time when I said something to the kids about an idea I had in the shower, they thought that was weird.  Somebody tell me I'm not the only one to think deep thoughts in the shower. Anyway, back to those thoughts I was thinking yesterday. 

I think sometimes we as homeschooling moms are afraid to talk about our shortcomings or the things that worry us about homeschooling, like "am I teaching my kids all they need to know?", "ugh, I'm not very good at teaching science," "oh, man, do I waste a lot of time," that sort of thing.  I think the reason we don't want to talk about our inadequacies and fears is because we feel like everyone is watching us, keeping an eye on us and making sure we're living up to whatever expectations people have for our kids' educations.  Whether it's neighbors, relatives, people at church, I think we're a bit afraid to open up too much because then people will think we're not doing it good enough.  

And so doing a 31-day writing challenge about our not-so-perfect homeschooling family is a little scary for me.  The other day I wrote about how late it was getting in the day, and I thought the boys were doing math and Naomi was sleeping on the couch.  But the truth is, I know they're learning enough and we always get caught up when they're sick (as Naomi was for two days this week).  

After keeping at it as long as I have, I now have the added benefit of knowing that my first two students made it all the way through high school, scored well on the ACT and got into college.  And they're doing well in college, too, which can't help but reassure this homeschooling mom.

So that's encouragement to me in the place where I am with the younger kids, to know that they will be okay even if we miss something.  I read somewhere recently that we all have holes, including those of us who were educated in the system.  It's just how it works.  The really cool thing is that we all can read and learn and fill in those holes in our own education as we continue to grow and learn as adults.  Education doesn't stop when you earn your diploma or degree.  For that I'm really glad. :)

homeschool at our house, wednesday edition. (day 1, write31days)

Welcome to day one of my 31 days writing challenge!  My topic this month is "31 days of (not so perfect) real life in our homeschool family."  If you want to read the whole series, click here.   

So I guess a good place to start on our first day is to tell you a little bit about our homeschool and our family in general.  This is our family's seventeenth year of homeschooling, although since none of our individual kids have actually been at it for that long, maybe I should really say it's *my* seventeenth year. ;)  Our oldest two kids are college students in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, where we used to live until we moved out here to Arizona seven years ago.

During Bible time today

So that leaves us with three at home doing school with me.  For arithmetic and language, we use A Beka, which all three have used straight through, from kindergarten on up.  For everything else, we use Ambleside Online, which I highly recommend, a free curriculum based on the Charlotte Mason style of education.  I love this curriculum because it is heavily literature-based and it's such a great way to learn stuff. I was second in my high school graduating class, and I'm not joking when I tell you that I have learned *so* much that I never heard of in my years as a student.  (My husband is jealous of what we get to learn while he's at work.)

Naomi during poetry time

There is actually a reason why I put the parentheses up there that said "not so perfect".  That's because there are many days like today when we don't get started on our "together" stuff until after 10:00.  Bleh. 

Joshua with his math book & Jesse drawing in the living room.  (And those are my knees, in case you wondered.)

With Ambleside, I take the week's assignments and decide which days to read which books.  Somewhere along the way, Wednesday became Shakespeare, poetry and Plutarch day in our house.  Most days, the boys work together on their Ambleside readings and Naomi and I do hers together.  But Shakespeare, poetry & Plutarch we do together.  It's been a lot of fun getting through three Shakespeare plays per school year together.  Right now, we're doing Romeo & Juliet.  Such a classic.  And in Plutarch, we're reading about Marcus Crassus, a Roman leader who wasn't exactly such a great guy.

I'm not entirely sure exactly where these next 31 days will take us, but I'll call this post good for a start.  (Which I guess isn't bad, since my last blog post was in July.) 

marissa's graduation.

We had a small graduation ceremony as part of the morning worship service at our church on June 1st.  It was really nice, honoring the three girls in our church who finished high school this year.  For two of them--Marissa and Hannah, who were both homeschooled--it was their actual graduation ceremony.

Marissa's diploma & cap... she wore the tassel that Matt wore for his Master's graduation when Marissa was 3 months old.  Very fitting, since it has a '97 on it, her birth year. :)

Marissa created the artwork for the church bulletin that day.

The graduates coming down the aisle... Hannah, Marissa, and Hailey.

Me saying a few things about Marissa and her school career.

Matt saying a few things about Marissa and how awesome she is.

We had the kids say something, too.  Here, everyone is laughing about something Jesse said.

Giving Marissa her diploma.

Marissa playing her ukulele and singing in the worship team.

I love this shot of Marissa. :)  We're so proud of her and love the young lady she's becoming.  It's exciting to think what cool things God has in store for her.  We will miss her as she heads out on her new journey to attend college in Michigan, but we're excited for her just the same. :)

 That evening, we had a graduation party for Marissa, Hannah & Hailey.  Here are some shots from that...

Naomi with some of the balloons.

Graduation cakes made by Hannah's mom, Connie. :)

Matt & Marissa playing "Box of Lies", something Jimmy Fallon does on the Tonight Show.  Basically, you are on opposite sides with only a window between you.  You have a box with something (usually very weird) inside it, and your job is to describe the item to the other person.  All they can see is your face, and they try to decide if you're telling the truth or a lie.

The church doors announcing the party inside.

Marissa's "shrine" as she called it. What can I say?  We parents can't help ourselves....  :)

Hannah's sister-in-law Alyssa made this 2014 out of cookie bars.

Guests

More guests

I gave them my phone & told them to take a selfie. :)

The graduates... Hailey, Hannah & Marissa

Marissa by her photos & mementos.

Hannah & Marissa opening gifts later on.

Smarties!

Hmmm...

Lots of balloons :)

It was a super busy and fun day of celebrating Marissa finishing her homeschool years.  Now she's off to college in Michigan in just under five weeks... and that will be for another post soon.

life.

Time has been flying so quickly lately.  So, I'll just try to do a quick little update on life from our perspective.

My Grandpa went to be with the Lord three weeks ago yesterday.  
It was the first time that we weren't able to go to a funeral of a close family member, and I really didn't like the way it felt.  I am ever so grateful to my sister Becky, who took lots of photos.  It was so good to see the visitation and funeral, although it would have been even better to be there in person and talk with everyone.  But, flights were just too expensive and driving would have taken too long, not to mention our van has over 200,000 miles and shouldn't be relied upon for such a long trip.

There was one photo Becky took of my grandma sitting next to my grandpa's casket where she looks so forlorn, like she is alone in this world and not sure of how she's going to do it.  Then, a couple of photos later, I saw a photo of my brother Dean kneeling down beside her, with his newborn daughter in our Grandma's lap.  It just struck me as the way life is.  Life and death, all tied up together.  

We're back at it with school again.
Schools out here start early.  The public schools in our city were up & running on August 5.  Yikes!  Earlier in the year, I had looked at the calendar, figured out what breaks we would take and decided if we started on the 19th, we'd have enough time to do our year's schoolwork and still be done by Memorial Day weekend.  So that's what we did.

Because we're not all gathered up at the beginning of a school day to head out together, I don't have any of the group "first day of school" photos like most parents take.  But I did get some in-action school shots during our first week.  :)

Jesse (grade 5) and Joshua (grade 7) working on their math.  This year we're trying something new (for us) for math... it's called "Easy Peasy Homeschool" and it's a compilation of all free stuff online.  They are really liking it so far! :)

Random shot I took while on the floor, looking up at our school books and globe. :)

The boys reading a Winston Churchill speech up in their room.

Naomi (grade 4) reading aloud to me from a book about Benjamin Franklin.

Bible time on one of the first days of the new school year.

Joshua at Bible time that same day.

I'm working a lot on my art business.
I had an art fair over Labor Day weekend, but I'll do a separate post about that.  And I have another one coming up the first weekend in November.  I had to cancel being a part of another one I had been juried into, just because the cost of another booth fee was proving to be too much right now. :(  We're also contemplating looking into other ways to sell my art.  Like freelancing or signing on with an agent to find illustration jobs for me.  It's all been such a stretching experience for me these past few years, but I feel like this art thing is going to work, one way or another.

David started college.
It's true.  We are now the parents of a college student!  No longer are we just alumni of Northern Michigan University, but we are also NMU parents.  The first time the change really hit me was a year ago when we visited the Admissions and Financial Aid offices with him.  I'm sure being on campus with him next summer when we're up will be even more strange, when it will be "his" school and we'll be the outsiders.  Wow.  How can it be possible that the baby boy I gave birth to almost 20 years ago has been on his own for a year and is a college student now?  Time is weird.

Speaking of which, Marissa is a senior.
And she is full into searching for scholarships mode.  We have a stack of library books she found on the subject, and she's scheduled to re-take the ACT to hopefully bump it up even more than the awesome score she already got, to see if that will help with getting some good scholarships.  She's eyeing up a couple of schools in Michigan (yes, NMU is one of them) and will decide based on what financial aid comes in.  And, I suppose what her heart tells her, too. :)  In the meantime, I'm really trying to soak up our Marissa time, because in a year she will be out spreading her wings and seeing what God has for her.  Wow.  So crazy how quickly it happens.

Well, I guess that's about it for now.  Life is busy as always, but it's good.  And I'm going to write that post about my art fair. :)

delinquent blogger.

Yep, that's me.  

Lately, I've been busy with life and just haven't taken the time to sit down and write something here.  And, quite honestly, I can't really decide what the purpose of my blog is anymore.  Seems like when I look back at previous posts, it all starts looking the same.  I mean, how many times can I post about the same "anniversaries"... my brain surgery, kids' birth stories, our anniversary, Jessica's death?  And how many "we're so excited to be counting down to our vacation" posts can my readers take? 

At heart, I am an introvert and am constantly thinking deep thoughts--often being critical of myself--of how I need to be a better follower of Christ, a better wife, mom, teacher, etc.  But I don't really want to post these things on the internet.  So things seem a bit quiet around here on the blog because there's a lot going on in my head, but not much to post about. 

Anyway.  With that said, I will attempt to publish a post here that might be somewhat interesting to the few family members that follow me. :)

So.  What *is* happening around here?

 

We celebrated our 23rd anniversary in May with a quick little getaway to Scottsdale.  VERY nice! :)

family.
We are getting ready to leave for our annual Michigan trip.  Yay!  (There, I said it.)  We are counting down to our vacation, in fact Marissa is already *on* vacation.  She flew up ahead of us and is enjoying a week with David and then a week with her bff (that's best friend forever, in case you were wondering) Sydney.  

The rest of us will soon be joining her in good old GR before we drive up to Marquette.  I am SO looking forward to seeing David and finally checking out his apartment and seeing some of the cool stuff he's discovered up there since he's been living on his own.  :)  We haven't seen him since he was here for Christmas.

The boys, doing school papers.

school. 
We were planning to have it all wrapped up by tomorrow.  But then I realized that not all the things that were supposed to be getting done have been getting done.  (One of those I-need-to-be-a-better-teacher-moments, let me tell you.)  So we're getting the main stuff finished up today and will finish the odds & ends of other stuff this summer.  Not my favorite way to do it, but it will work.  We used to do school year round, so it will be fine. :)

art business.
I've been painting.  Not as frenetically as I was before my art fair in February, but I have been at it still.  I've been reading *lots* and *lots* online about marketing my art business.  The truth is, I mainly need to keep painting.  But deadlines are coming up for art fairs here in the fall, so I will be trying for some of those.  Tomorrow I am setting up my booth in the backyard for a new booth shot, and will be sending off four entries to art fairs before we head out on vacation.  (Trying SO hard not to be disappointed if/when I get rejections.  Trying so hard.  Pray for me.)

My most recent painting, "A Walk on the Beach."

vacation rental business.
We're in full swing with the vacation rental season, with our first guests up there right now.  I'm on call 24/7 for the rest of the season, until mid-October... I just never know when I might get a phone call about something that's gone wrong at the house.  And then of course, soon we'll be at the house for two weeks working on whatever needs doing.  We already know of a couple of jobs we'll be doing, and always something new will present itself once we're onsite.  Plumbing work, fixing some steps, a few upgrades here and there, the annual planting of flowers.  Stuff like that.  I also opened up reservations for next summer on June 1st, and we have already filled up from June 13-Aug. 29 next year!  It's *crazy* how quickly it all fills up.  We still have the "shoulder" season open, May, September & October.

financial peace.
So we just finished coordinating our second Financial Peace University class at our church last week.  It is always a help to us in renewing our resolve to get the debt paid off and work our way through the baby steps.  Which brings us to the plan.  

So we've got things pretty tight in our budget... there just isn't a lot we can do with getting our food, gasoline, insurance, utilities, and mortgage amounts lower.  We've spent a lot of time getting those pared down.  So we figured out if we could bring in an additional $800/month more than we are making now, that will help us make some serious progress on getting the student loan paid off, the emergency fund fully funded, and getting the mortgage paid off early.  

So, the thing I'm praying for is that my art business will really kick in this year.  That I will be able to sell lots of paintings at art fairs--enough to meet my booth fees and expenses, and to be able to help bring in that extra $800 per month.  It's not a huge amount when you're talking about a job, and I feel like I'm close to making this art business thing work.  So that's my prayer.  

bye for now.
Okay, well, I need to get downstairs and do Bible time with the kids and get the school day started.  Thanks for stopping by.  I hope your day is a good one and that you can fully enjoy the blessings God has placed in your life today. :)

Christmas break.

When we only had one or two kids doing school, we used to keep going right until Christmas.  A few years ago, though, I realized that while it might have worked then, it just doesn't work at this point in our lives...  we *need* to take a Christmas break.  So, our home school has been on break since December 7th.

Since I had my first juried art fair coming up in just over seven weeks, I was so thankful for the time to be able to paint without being Teacher in addition to everything else.  My (rather ambitious) goal was to complete two new paintings a week, giving me something like 14 new paintings by the time of the art fair.

Not quite so realistic, really.  It was Christmas time.  We had David here for two weeks.  Matt took a lot of vacation time.  But.  Here's what I have to show for the extra time I was able to paint this past month:

This one is Matt's new favorite.

This one was super fast and fun to paint.

This one I am *so* pleased with.  I went through several phases of, "This painting will never work.  What was I thinking?" before it was completed, and every time I look at it now that it's done, I feel good. :)

The English riding gear painting is one I did earlier in 2012, and it was fun to get the Western riding gear one done and put them next to one another just for kicks. :)

This painting also makes me feel so good every time I look at it.  I first had the idea for it in June 2011, sketched out a rough idea in Jan. 2012, started painting it in March 2012.  It sat in the living room waiting while new ideas came & were completed.  I picked it up for a bit in November and finally (!) finished it on Dec. 28.  I am happy with it.

Our Christmas break has been most enjoyable--busy, full, somewhat insane at times, but good--and I really wish we could take more time off.  But since we want to have our school work done before our Michigan vacation in June, back to the books we must go.  We are slowly easing back into school today, and I hope to complete 1-2 paintings this short work week.  We shall see...